I toyed with the idea of calling this blog ‘Exodus’, not only because it’s a great song, but because Paul Newman starred in the film with Cpt America’s* Dad. However, as we weren’t at The Quiz because The Pub was shut, not out of choice, Exile seemed a better bet. This unfortunate event required us to find another pub and another quiz. The Pub is not the nearest watering hole for any of The Royal Blokes*. I live next door to a pub and have to walk past two others to get to the quiz. Hulk* lives a couple of doors away from a pub and Iron Man* opposite one. Only Cpt America can’t stand on his own land and see somewhere selling alcohol. However, if he turns right instead of left when he leaves his road, he also has a nearer pub.

The pub by Hulk (which I shall call The Other Pub) has a quiz and Hulk was entrusted to find out the details. Following his instructions we arrived an hour early, mainly because he couldn’t be arsed to do his job properly. At least arriving early gave Cpt America the chance to do his Ronnie Corbett impression, and tell a story that lasted at least five times longer than was needed. Anyway, as always, the results:

Beer – Pedigree
2014 Quizzes – Royal Blokes: 3 quizzes, 3 wins (100%)

If ever a bunch of strangers walked into a pub in a Hammer House of Horror film, the place would go deathly quiet, and every man and his dog would turn and stare. This was like walking into The Other Pub, except for the fact that there was no-one else actually in there (apart from a young girl sitting up the corner with a laptop, availing herself of the free wi-fi – she never moved all night). The other thing that stood out was that we seemed to walk into a pub built for midgets. This could be because Little Fella* lives opposite. Tubbs* likened it to going to your 5 year olds parents evening – being perched on miniature chairs with your chin just reaching the teachers table.

Things livened up somewhat (and I use the term loosely), with three other teams and a bunch of old blokes who seemingly came in to quietly die up the corner. This is probably the first pub I’ve been in in 20 years that served Woodpecker Cider, Barley Wine and Mild (Banks’s of course). This place made me feel young. However, they were playing late 80s dance music and one of the other teams featured an 8 out of 10 James May.

James May

It turned out that the quiz master went to the School of Dave*, with his sparkling lack of personality, and his fervent desire to finish the quiz in under 60 minutes. When he decided it was time to hand in the answers, he just came to the table and, silently, took the answer paper without asking. However, he must also have gone to the School of John* because, to the amusement of us all (and we had to ask him to repeat the question a few times to be sure), he referred to a former Israeli Prime Minister as:

Ariel Sharon

At some point during the quiz, the bar staff started making up sandwiches – presumably for the old blokes as a sort of ‘were not dead yet’ celebration. But no, how wrong we were. The quiz, which was free to enter, also included a FREE buffet, full of proper man food like pork pie and sausage rolls (with a little bit of salad for the girl with the laptop – she wasn’t tempted). Add to that the £15 free beer we won (which had to be drunk that night because we also have winnings to spend next week in The Pub), and it turned out to be a good night.

But that wasn’t the end of it. There was also Playing Card Bingo. A bit like bingo, but with playing cards – it really was that simple. However, when certain cards were read out, we repeated them loudly, and vaguely musically, in a Motorhead-esque way. If you have no idea what I’m talking about click here. We almost got kicked out for being saga louts.

Reading my blog notes, I put something down that I can’t remember being mentioned. Until I looked it up and read the customer comments. Click here and find out more.

The following night, I tried another quiz with Parker*. This was similar, in so much as it was a quiet pub and a 60 minute quiz read out by a man with a terminal lack of personality. He was also old school, at one point he decided he wanted a cigarette, and did, while sitting at the bar reading out questions! One of the rounds was the same as I’d had the previous night at  The Other Pub, so this got us off to a flyer. However, we wiped out on the last round and ended up 10 points off the lead.

On the bright side, we did try to liven up Mr Personality with out team name – Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. Parker used to live on Anglesey, so we considered it a valid name. Little did we know that there’s a separate answer sheet for each round, and you have to write the team name on each one. Everyone settled on Llanfair PG fairly quickly.

Footnote: Cpt America’s Dad was really in the 1960 film Exodus – he was on National Service where they filmed it and they needed soldiers as extras. The first ever UK meeting of the Women’s Institute (WI) took place in 1915 in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. I also once got drunk there, in the pub opposite the railway station. Later that afternoon I severely damaged my ankle pratting about on a kids climbing frame. The two events are unconnected.

*see Cast List


One thought on “Exile

  1. Pingback: Lies … Damn Lies | Beer and Quizzes

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