False Prophets, Claire Balding and Angry Cock Washing

Forgive me internet, for I have sinned … it has been four weeks since my last blog.

During that time, I have seriously considered giving up on the Church of Blogging, and I have been sorely tempted by the false idols of the Cult of Amusing Facebook Updates.

However, I have tried to live my life by the words of the Mystical One known as The Governator and, by following his words of wisdom and guidance for a fulfilling life, I’m Back!!

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Beer – I have mostly been drinking Butty Bach, with the occassional Exmoor Ale and the odd Laphroaig at the end of the night
2014 Quiz Results – Royal Blokes: 9 Quizzes,  5 wins (56% win ratio)
2014 Quiz Results – Other Quizzes: 2 Quizzes, 1 win (50% win ratio)

The last four weeks has been a barren spell with three consecuitive losses, followed by a win which can only be described as ‘coming up on the outside to take it by a nose’. Unfortunately this was not enough to avoid the complete humiliation of going a whole calendar month without a win, or even a consolation second prize.

Things started off so well. While struggling through yet another rainstorm of Biblical proportions on my way to The Pub, I found a Benjamin floating forlornly in a puddle. For those of you who aren’t ‘down wiv de kids’ or who can’t speak Rap (the ‘c’ is slient), a Benjamin is a $100 bill, so called because it’s got a picture of Benjamin Sisko from Deep Space 9 on it (or it may be another bald bloke called Benjamin, who can tell?) Anyhow, at the current exchange rate, and given the taxation of alcohol in this country, this was almost enough to buy me a pint!

Then, to heap more good omens on what was looking to be an already lucky night, this classic was thrown up by the vagaries of ‘shuffle’ just as I entered the pub. However, what the Gods give with one hand, they take with the other. We failed to win and the Benjamin turned out to be a very poor fake – once dried out it wasn’t even the right colour. So much for believing in the false prophets of the man who invented lightning and the bloke who nicked Captain Sensible‘s hat.

I also spent a lot of my hiatus watching the Winter Olympics. As a long-time fan of Eurosport, I’ve been watching winter sports for a few years now, especially ski jumping and biathlon. This is a phenomenon I can’t explain (or say or spell, but that’s a diffent story). The BBCs coverage was, of course, helped by having Amy Williams as one of the main presenters, although I’ll take a pass on Jonathan Edwards.

Amy Williams

Over the course of the games, I also really got into the curling. Now the last time I watched curling (Salt Lake City 2002), the GB team consisted of a bunch of aging Scottish housewives pretty much doing housework on ice (which is also the name of the ‘celebrity reality’ TV show currently in production by Channel 4 – they need something for Davina MaCall to present next week, as she’s been off our screens for nearly a month now). This time, however, it seems like Lord Coe and the BOA decided to opt for young, blonde attractive Scots instead. Now they may not have the experience in sweeping up that their former middle-aged colleagues may have had (probably why the only got a Bronze), it did make for an altogther more watchable sport.

It seems that most of the other teams went for the same option as well (although the Canadian and Swiss skips were still more Rhona Martin than Rhona Mitra). I’m also reliably informed that the Men’s curling team was stuffed with male totty as well, making this an all inclusive games for everybody. Unless of course, you happen to fall foul of Russia’s homophobic laws, then it’s not really inclusive at all. That’s why I considerd the choice of Claire Balding to front the BBCs coverage inspired. She even had a co-presenter that was a shopping trolly, presumably left over from the outgoing GB Women’s curling team. That, Alanis Morisette, is how you do irony.

It was a successful games for Team GB, and big congratulations to Lizzie Yarnold keeping alive the tradition of GB winning a medal everytime skeleton bob appears in the Olympics. Also, being 30 years since Sarajevo, you couldn’t move for peole harping on about Torvill and Dean. Even The Governess* got in on the act with a question asking what were their first names. Answering “Keith Harris & / Pearl &” went a long way towards that weeks failure to win!

Finally, the last part of my triumvarate of titles refers to a five minute conversation Ron Weasley behind the bar had with myself and Cpt. America*. I say conversation, it was more of a soliloquy with actions. Clearly this is what the youth of today call turning japanese! The reason why he did it is, of course, the question. (Yes, that is Spiderman actress Kursten Dunst in the video, and clearly she has no idea what the song is actually about).

Footnote: Benjamin Franklin didn’t invent lightning, but he did prove it was a natural form of electricity. Amy Williams has a twin sister which can obviously fuel all kinds of fantasies. I can’t include any treference to Pearl & Dean, however tenuous, without including this. This week clips have had a very late 70s / early 80s. For this I make no aplolgy.

*see Cast List

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