Topless: The Sequel

While this blog is not strictly a follow up from the last blog (The Joy of Topless), given the vast time span between the two (and the law of guaranteed diminishing returns on sequels – if you don’t believe me, watch any Police Academy film including and after Assignment Miami Beach) I thought I’d go for a filmic (cinimatic?) headline. I did toy with calling it Topless part II or Topless and the Temple of Nipples, but opted for a somthing fairly mundane. After all, I could have called my first sequel Episode 5: Topless – The Nipples Strike Back, but who would be stupid enough to start a series of anything at No.4? (Side note to Cpt America* – it’s not a great film, it starts ok, has a boring middle section, and a climax that everyone knew was coming anyway).

Enough of that – you can’t have a sequel without the original star and, after months of nagging, I’ve finally relented and let Lucy come around for another photo shoot:

Lucy 2

On to the more serious business. Having realised that my blogging was more to do with my personal circumstances than what I actually set out to do (promote this), I stopped when those circumstances changed. However, over the last few weeks a couple of people (including Iron Man* and The Governess*) have remarked on the lack of blog, so I thought I’d give it another/better/proper (delete as appropriate) go.

As I’ve kept no real record of what’s happened over the invervening months:

Beer: I have mainly been drinking Butty Bach, with the odd Guinness, Greene King IPA, Pedigree and Tanglefoot

Quizzes: The Royal Blokes* have mostly been doing badly, although the last few weeks has seen a few second places and a win. Additionally I’ve been to a few quizzes with Parker* and achieved some solid second places; and my team ran away with the Sports Relief quiz at work, to the point where The Seven Year Bitch* has now banned me from entering any more works quizzes (otherwise no-one else will!).

“and now, a quick word from our sponsor…”

On the rest of the quiz front, Perfect Pub Quiz now has things pretty much sorted and (when my new printer arrives) will be able to offer a choice of having quizzes sent electronically (print your own) or in a ready made pack (everything provided except pens and someone to read the questions). As the small print says – see website for details (although don’t just yet as the electronic delivery option is the only one currently available). You can also get a Question of the Day and a Weekend Picture Quiz on Twitter – you can click here to get that now. A FIFA World Cup themed quiz will hopefully be available in the next few days as well.

“… welcome back after that short break”

WordPress, who provide the blogging platform, also provide useful stats, and those who know me know that I love stats – more than Margery Dawes loves cake. Bearing in mind that I have blogged twice in the last three months, I was surprised to see the map of where the blog has been read:


Now, while I actually know people who reside in the USA, Australia, India and South Africa (really know them – not this social media ‘friend’ crap), the rest, as Toyah said, is a mystery.

Firstly, take France (please, take France!). There are clearly at least 11 people out there who just want to be insulted (The Joy of Topless), and to a lesser extent, this extends to Germany (Royal Blokes Uber Alles). That I sort of understand, and I suppose that extends to Canadia, as they’re all half-French as well. What I don’t get is Pakistan, Egypt, Syria and Indonesia. These are countries where you would think that internet search terms like ‘topless’, pictures of half naked women, and jokes about angry cock washing would not go down well with the local secret police, despite democracy prevailing (Syria excluded – in the democracy thing, not the rest). However Dave (he of the ‘Man Mistakes Waitress For Stripper’ fiasco – see It’s Quizmas) thinks it’s exactly because of goverment oppression that people search the internet for this sort of thing – then they get my blog and are dissapointed.

If that’s the case, then I expect to see North Korea appearing soon. (I can’t mention North Korea without referring to this clip of their glorious leader).

Just a final point on the subject of the map, have you noticed that, without Norway, Sweden looks like a big knob. Can someone in Finland please read the blog to complete the picture! (there’s something strangely satisfying about doing a knob joke  -it must be that 70s and early 80s upbringing).

There are a couple of further things I would like to mention before I complete my return (hopefully, my return to form will follow shortly). At the quiz on Tuesday Hulk* announced that, after years of having a man crush on them, he was finally going to see The Eagles – at £100 a ticket mind. Hopefully Hulk, Don Henley and the sofa got a room (obviously here) and he got things out of his system. Time will tell.

Also Little Fella* got elected, and must now properly be referred to as Councellor Little Fella. I now look forward to seeing random pictures of him standing in the road, pointing at a pothole or wearing a hi-vis jacket by a skip WHILST wearing his ‘I’m a councellor’ badge AND beating back the UKIP tide with a shitty stick. Maybe, when Scotland gain independence later in the year, he can also fight against the UKIP pressure to send Mrs Cpt America back to where she came from (Edinburgh).

Footnote: The Empire Strikes Back is not truely a bad film, althouth it’s not as good as The Phantom Menace, and would have been better for an earlier (later?) introduction of Jar Jar Binks. Don Henley’s sofa is an entirely different story, and one not to mention in a blog, as that will get my North Korean readers in deep trouble. It belongs in the same category as the legend that is Una Stubbs.

This weeks set of clips is an eclectic one. If you go for nothing else, click on either/both the Empire Strikes Back, or the Kim Jong-Il ones – enjoyment guaranteed.

*see Cast List


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